These are my readers.

Like any self-serious blogger and dedicated egotist, I spend a good deal of time Googling myself – sort of the writerly equivalent of admiring one’s abs in the mirror. I also study my blog stats like a Talmudic scholar, to determine, for example, how many of a given day’s 72 visitors might have originated from the U.S. American zip code 11204, which 100% of my closest relations call home.

The modest WordPress tracker – sort of the Li’l Stat Counter That Could – also offers a breakdown of the most recent web searches that led readers to my blog. This is both revealing and frightening. While even a casual visitor can appreciate why “burundi,” “february 2010 burundi coup plot,” and “burundi civil war” might appear in a recent list of top searches, one struggles to say the same for such popular searches as “black african [sic] women shitting outside” and “saddam hussain [sic] girls tree stump.”

For the record, not once in the brief and modest history of this blog has there been so much as a passing reference to “black african [sic] women shitting outside” – or inside, for that matter. Likewise, while I might have some very strong opinions about “saddam hussain [sic],” “girls” and “tree stump[s],” I have yet to compose a Unified Theory that might lead concerned readers to this blog in search of answers to their abstract but no doubt worthy queries.

I do also realize that, by blogging about “black african [sic] women shitting outside” and “saddam hussain [sic] girls tree stump,” I am virtually guaranteeing that future seekers of “black african [sic] women shitting outside” and “saddam hussain [sic] girls tree stump” will be directed to what, from their perspective, will be a very disappointing blog indeed.

To those future readers, I apologize in advance. And to the rest, thank you for your patience.

5 responses to “These are my readers.

  1. Pingback: These are my readers. « This Is Africa | Black Africa

  2. Ha. A few months ago I got someone coming across my page after searching “rape porn” and I got so disturbed that I didn’t check again until now. Here are my recent readers:

    “How to dramatically take revenge”
    “DRC funsex”
    “D&G Sunglasses”
    “Log couch”

    Who are these people?!?! Other than all very disappointed with their Google search engine recommending my blog…

  3. I also have the “rape porn” search problem. Even more disturbing is the level of detail that people will apparently put into a Google search bar. Eve more disturbing than that, surely, is that for some reason, it takes them to my blog.

    May I never know my bounce rate.

  4. Thanks, guys! However those search algorithms work, I’m sure the repeated mention of “rape porn” in your comments will bump me up a few places in the next “rape porn” Google search. Maybe I’ll go over to your blogs and comment repeatedly on “black african women shitting outside.”

    FYI, today’s hot search topic, it seems, is Makes me sort of wonder whether I want to post pics of my visit to a village primary school last week…

  5. Hey buddy,

    You slick marketer you, virtually guaranteeing yourself the number one search result for “black women shi….” with your numerous references. You’re just setting the the stage for an upcoming pay-video section, terrifying, but way to corner an up and coming market 😉

    Hope all is well. If you find yourself wondering how to spend some skype dollars one day, give me a buzz.

    -Paul, one of your inner circle with a non-Bensonhurst Zip currently Colorado and soon-to-be SF zip

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